Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he was CRYING into my vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
