Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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