i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They took my balls.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
