I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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