Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
