i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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