You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
