don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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