fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
