saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
