I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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