So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
