DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we should paint friendship bongs
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