I'm going to jail i love you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
