Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
