My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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