I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
