we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
