Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
