He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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