I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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