why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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