she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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