your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
