mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
