Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
