Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
