I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
