I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
