My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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