Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
