sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
