If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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