I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
