I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I AM VODKA MAN
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
