I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
