The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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