Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
