why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
