I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
