The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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