just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
