So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
