Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
