i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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