If that was your dad, he is hot
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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