He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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