You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
