your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
