when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
