Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
