Do you still have your period?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
