I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
