I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
