i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
