My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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